At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do vagina's smell?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
