it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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