Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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