You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
