This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
