just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
