He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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