if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
