So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
