I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
