Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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