If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
