There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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