I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
