After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
