those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My bed smells like the plague
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
