Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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