dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
