ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
