Me. At least after what I've been through.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
