Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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