And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
