You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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