I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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