Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
