So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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