If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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