You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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