Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
