Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
