wakey wakey hands off snakey
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
