did you get engaged???
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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