Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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