She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
