By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
