We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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