Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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