singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
