there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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