Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
