Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
