So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
