I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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