i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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