The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
