I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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