farters have to be the big spoon...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
