So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
