man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
