we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
