fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
